Popular psychology helps people understand their own behavior and the conduct of others more effectively. However, it can also dilute the meaning of important words and phrases. For example, the rise of awareness about narcissism has led to people calling others narcissists without any psychological diagnosis to validate their statements.
The more popularized a term becomes, the more people may scrutinize claims using that language. Awareness of parental alienation is important for the protection of parental rights and the mental health of children whose parents divorce.
Unfortunately, some people refer to situations as parental alienation when they do not truly meet the definition of parental alienation. Not every conflict between parents and their children wherein children try to avoid seeing one parent constitutes parental alienation.
How can concerned parents accurately evaluate a situation to determine if alienation has occurred?
Alienation is about the parent, not the child
Occasionally, a teenager may begin refusing to spend time with one of their parents. This change might occur after a blowout argument with one parent or when they hit puberty. Some tension in the parent-child relationship is standard, especially after divorce destabilizes the family unit.
Teenagers may try to assert themselves by refusing to spend time with one parent. They may feel awkward around one of their parents or may blame them for the divorce. Such emotional reactions are normal and usually temporary. Eventually, the child may feel ashamed of their behavior and may reach out to their parent or respond to their attempts at communication.
In cases involving parental alienation, one adult intentionally interferes in the parent-child relationship. They lie to the children, air grievances with the other parent to the children and otherwise try to harm the bond that the other parent has with the children and the family.
A lack of remorse on the part of the child and exaggerated or one-sided perspectives about the family circumstances are hallmarks of parental alienation. Frequently, one parent may have actively threatened the other’s relationship with the children as a form of retaliation for the failure of the marriage.
How can parents handle alienation?
There are several solutions available for families dealing with parental alienation. Sometimes, the courts may modify custody arrangements. Other times, they may authorize a reunification plan that involves therapy for the alienated parent and the child. The focus should always be on the best interests of the children in scenarios where parenting conflicts have undermined the parent-child connection.
Learning about the difference between minor child custody complications and true alienation can help parents address relationship issues more effectively. Alienation can harm not just an alienated parent but also the children denied meaningful connections with one of their parents, and should be addressed accordingly.
